A Feeling of Hearthome
Oct. 18th, 2024 09:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
memory_of_lightwavesThere are times when I look out my window and see the home I can't go back to. When I see Japan in it's rural glory before modern times. Before it got developed. When I look out my window and see Japan's feudal era. The place I call my home.
And every time I look out my window and sit in my room, a very familiar feeling comes over me that hasn't gone away ever since I was small. When I sit in my room and look out my window and see Japan, I feel like a princess. A princess who was so important that she was never allowed to leave the house ever.
And then I wonder, was I a really an important princess or was something else just... wrong with me? Was I sickly? I don't know. I just remember that I could never ever leave our castle. I could rarely be seen walking around. I wasn't allowed to be seen by our soldiers. I don't think I was allowed to have any guests.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just making shit up in my head. About a life I want but then it's like... maybe not. Maybe I was a princess one time. It has to be true since I've always felt like that right?
And then I wonder who my parents were. Were they historical nobles? Were they nobles at all? Were they lesser nobles? I think they had to be if I was a princess but they weren't very important? Not as important as Lord Nobunga or... Lord Date or... Lord Shingen. Just... nobles.
When I remember being a princess, I really wish I remembered my name or what life was like for me then. I don't know if I liked it or not. But it feels like I never really complained. I at least got to walk around with my handmaidens as long as I wore something that concealed my face. I know I wore those really long and fancy kimonos with multiple layers.
Those were so annoying and heavy. But also sometimes they were comfortable. I did manage to have some friends. I don't know who they were though. I don't think I got to get married or have a partner though. That would be nice if I did. Maybe he would've been a noble too.
I also kind of have a feeling that me looking out the window was just me sitting in my room, gazing out towards the woods around the house, sitting on the porch through the back door or while I sat in the middle of the room with the doors open.
I wonder if my parents were nice. Or if I even saw them ever.
And every time I look out my window and sit in my room, a very familiar feeling comes over me that hasn't gone away ever since I was small. When I sit in my room and look out my window and see Japan, I feel like a princess. A princess who was so important that she was never allowed to leave the house ever.
And then I wonder, was I a really an important princess or was something else just... wrong with me? Was I sickly? I don't know. I just remember that I could never ever leave our castle. I could rarely be seen walking around. I wasn't allowed to be seen by our soldiers. I don't think I was allowed to have any guests.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just making shit up in my head. About a life I want but then it's like... maybe not. Maybe I was a princess one time. It has to be true since I've always felt like that right?
And then I wonder who my parents were. Were they historical nobles? Were they nobles at all? Were they lesser nobles? I think they had to be if I was a princess but they weren't very important? Not as important as Lord Nobunga or... Lord Date or... Lord Shingen. Just... nobles.
When I remember being a princess, I really wish I remembered my name or what life was like for me then. I don't know if I liked it or not. But it feels like I never really complained. I at least got to walk around with my handmaidens as long as I wore something that concealed my face. I know I wore those really long and fancy kimonos with multiple layers.
Those were so annoying and heavy. But also sometimes they were comfortable. I did manage to have some friends. I don't know who they were though. I don't think I got to get married or have a partner though. That would be nice if I did. Maybe he would've been a noble too.
I also kind of have a feeling that me looking out the window was just me sitting in my room, gazing out towards the woods around the house, sitting on the porch through the back door or while I sat in the middle of the room with the doors open.
I wonder if my parents were nice. Or if I even saw them ever.
